Sunday, November 21

almost 6 weeks

We had a big breakthrough about a week ago - Dylan would sit in his bouncer!!! It was hard at first. He would scream and cry and I would have to pick him up, comfort him, then put him back in it. Now he loves it! He takes naps in it during the day all of the time! It has really helped me, too, because before I would have to hold him or carry him absolutely all day. Don't get me wrong, he still gets held and carried around quite a bit. I had to do the same thing with his new Baby Bjorn carrier. He would cry the first couple of days in it and I would only make him stay in it for a couple of minutes. Yesterday and today, he got in it and instantly fell asleep!

He also started cooing about a week ago! I love hearing him do it. I can't wait until he starts laughing! I try to get him to do it by blowing on his tummy at diaper change time, but still no giggles yet, just big eyes.

I had an amazing transformation in how I have been feeling, as well. Those pills were a lifesaver! Mark said he noticed a difference within the first day of me taking them! I feel like myself again. The both of us are still exhausted because Dylan still only sleeps for about two hours between feedings. There are fluke times that he will go for almost 5 hours and we get our hopes up, but it never happens at night time. Hopefully he will start going for longer periods of sleep time soon since he is already eating 5 oz. in each bottle! Chunky Monkey!


Wednesday, November 10

update on Mommy life

Many people have asked how I am doing, or how Dylan is doing, etc. Mark and I have a hard time smiling and saying, "Oh, good" every time. It really kills me to smile and make this new life sound glorious because I am such an honest person. I know that I will probably offend or have some upset people after reading this post, but I thought it is only honest and fair to tell how we are really doing. I know that Mark has not told anyone, even his family, because I'm sure he doesn't know if I am comfortable with it, but I will explain it to everyone then. We went to my doctor on Monday for my first postpartum visit. To make a long story short, while there I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I know what some of you are thinking, and no, I am not miserable about Dylan in any way. This is more just the stress and hormonal changes that have caused this. I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat everyday. If I eat anything, it's a good day. It's a really good day if I eat and don't get upset stomach, but that rarely happens and I am having horrible stomach pains all of the time. I weighed 162 lbs. when I delivered Dylan, and now weigh 127 lbs. Sounds great, but I know that losing that much weight within such a short amount of time is not healthy. I think a major part of the problem is adjusting to this life while feeling completely alone. My family and friends live in Dallas, and Mark does not come home until extremely late at  night since they are stripping cotton. By the time he comes home and takes a shower, it is usually midnight. He sleeps, and then leaves again in the morning. He does try to help me at night sometimes with feeding and changing Dylan, but I even feel guilty then, because he is pulling such long hours. I know that he feels stuck in the middle between needing to be at work or needing to be with me and Dylan. I am just trying to get through the days and hopefully, he will be home more often soon enough. The doctor put me on antidepressants immediately and I am to see a therapist once a week now, for at least a month. (She doesn't take insurance and let's just say she is extremely pricey for each session.) It is difficult for me to decide to spend that kind of money on myself, but I know if it were someone in my family, like Mark, the cost would not matter to me. So, I am doing everything recommended because I want to get better and be happy Mommy with my sweet baby!

I know that this is something that a lot of women go through and many do not discuss it. It was a hard decision for me to even let anyone know, but I think others might appreciate reading it if they are going through the same thing, or may experience it. I have always thought of myself as a very strong person and if someone can do something, so can I. Turns out, I need help and I am doing everything to get the correct help because I love love love my baby.  There are many other factors going on right now that led to this diagnosis, but I thought I would only touch on a few, just to let everyone know.


Mommy's Favorites

1. itzbeen timer - We LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I think we would go insane without it and you always here us saying, "Where's the timer?!?" My mom had to try and find it online and order it because everywhere seems to be sold out, so if you are able to find one, you better get it!

2. hands free bra - I know it looks ridiculous, but I was the happiest girl in the world when I was breast feeding and used this for the first time! My arms kept getting tired when I would pump and try to hold both bottles in my arms. I would also accidentally slip and spill milk, but this keeps everything in place and you can just sit back and relax!

3. personalized boppy - my sister-in-law got this for us. Everyone just loves how cute Dylan's boppy pillow is! He has the blue polka dot and striped one.

4. cloud b sleep sheep - We always turn this on for Dylan when he goes to sleep and have it play the one that sounds like running water. If you get the big lamb, it has the heartbeat sound, which I recommend, too!

5. born free bottles - We have tried the Dr. Brown's bottles to help with colic and gas, but the nipples were too small and he was sucking in a bunch of gas on the sides of his mouth. These are wide neck bottles and the nipples are larger so his mouth fits around it better. Plus, they don't leak!

6. mylicon - We depend on this so much since he has such bad gas pains. We actually were told by the pediatrician to give it to him before and after he eats each time. I think it has helped a lot. It's pink liquid, but you can get the dye free one and I liked it much better because we didn't have the pink junk all over the place. All stores seem to be running low on this stuff, so snatch it up if you see it!

7. gripe water - This is supposed to do pretty much the same thing as Mylicon, but it seems to only work with Dylan for his hiccups. He gets hiccups a LOT and this takes them right away!

8. pampers swaddlers for sensitive or huggies pure and natural - I have to admit that I was already set in my ways about the exact diapers I wanted before Dylan was even born. I have tried pretty much all of them now and the one's I like the best are the Pamper's Swaddlers for Sensitive! You have to make sure they are the ones for Sensitive. I like the line that shows if they have wet themselves so clearly and I like how these fit!

9. medela lanolin cream - When I was breastfeeding this was the best! We tried a different brand and I made Mark return it and get the Medela. The other brands are really thick and hard to rub on. This cream is really smooth and well worth it!

10. Noodle and Boo Glowology lotion - Mark's mom bought this for me when I was in the hospital. When I got home, I decided to try it and LOVED it! I told Mark I wanted to squirt it in a big tub and roll around in it! That  means a lot because I am really picky on my lotions! I think I am going to try some of the baby products they have too. I looked on their website and there is a lot of stuff and it is all baby safe. The lotions are made for pregnant and breast feeding mom's because there are no toxins that will go through the bloodstream and harm!

11. belly bandit - I wear this all of the time. It it supposed to help you slim down after birth. It also puts a lot of pressure on your tummy if you had a c-section, which makes it less painful. I like it because you don't see the lovely tummy "rolls" I have now under my shirt!

12. enfamil pro sobee - After trail and error with a million formulas it seems like, this one is helping, so far! It's soy milk and doesn't have the lactose in it! He may not be lactose intolerant, but the soy milk is better because it is gentler on his tummy!

13. Best View Handheld Color Video Monitor by Summer Infant - We tried a cute little snazzy black and silver color video monitor and it is from the same company, but it worked like crap! It kept saying it was losing signal and stuff when we were just a room away. We returned it and got this one. So far it has worked amazingly!


1 month

I have grown a whole lot in 1 month! I drink lots of milk! Mommy says I drink 4 oz. each time she gives me a bottle. My tummy pains from gas have gone away, but I still get some aches, but not as bad as it was! Mommy says that it is probably from switching my formula to Soy formula. I am staying awake for longer periods of time and sometimes too long and I get cranky. I want someone to hold me all of the time! I like being held! I think Mommy needs to buy one of those slings or Baby Bjorn's because I am getting so heavy, I hurt her back! I also like car rides. Sometimes I get scared at first and cry, but then the car puts me right to sleep! I have gotten better at being held on someone's shoulder and I like to raise my head up and look around, but my favorite time is when Daddy comes home to hold me. He makes me so warm and I fall straight to sleep!


Monday, November 1


We had a good weekend with Nonnie and Duke (we are still trying to come up with a nickname for my Dad instead of Grandpa and Mark started googling names for them and came up with Duke. We think it is funny and keep using it!)  We were able to make a very very quick trip to the corn maize to snap some fall photos together, then went to dinner at Rosa's. This was Dylan's first time to go to a restaurant. He did amazing until about 15 minutes into it and started throwing a fit. We grabbed all of our stuff and had to go since we didn't want to be those people with a crying baby!

On Sunday, Halloween, we were able to dress Dylan up for a little while that evening to go say 'hi' to his Mimi and Papaw. They gave him a cute little Cloud B Giraffe that plays music like his Lamb does.

 I was excited to put him in little legwarmers! I think they look cute!
 Daddy reading Dylan his Halloween book he got
 Sitting with his Halloween pumpkin
(I got him a Halloween book, new bottles, and a Baby Einstein CD)
 Mommy and Dylan dressed up as a giraffe
 Ready to go trick-or-treating at Mimi & Papaw's

Since some people seem to not care about how I'm doing and would rather hear about Dylan, here what he has been up to:

- he sleeps about every 3 hours and then wakes up right on the dot to eat. We use one of those ItzBeen timers. We depend on it like crazy and love it so much! I am going to make a post over the things we absoluelty love and use all of the time since he has been born and this will be at the top of the list!!

- he has had less gas pains since switching to formula, but we still have some
- this week, he has started to stay awake longer. We think he is turning into one of those kids that likes to fight going to sleep, because he will be rocked and then he keeps jumping to open his eyes. The past couple of days, he has been stretching it and staying awake for almost an hour fussing until he finally gives up and goes to sleep. (yep, that means my sleep has been cut even shorter)
- He still has crying fits and just screams and screams for hours it seems like. The only thing that we have found to instantly calm him is the running water from the kitchen sink. He will fall asleep after you hold him by it, but then seems to wake back up after 10 minutes or so. We try to set all of his little musical sleepy animals in his crib to the running water sound. I'm not sure if it works, but we try.

*On a side note, I apologize to those of you that read my blog and do not like if I come across negative. I try very hard to be honest and write about how things in my life are truly affecting me. I do love my baby, I am thankful for him, he is precious, and would not trade him for anything. I only write about difficult times I am having to maybe benefit someone else that may be going through the same thing, or might experience it at some point.